She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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