i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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