My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
