no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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