woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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