how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
