So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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