I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need moral support for this bender
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
