If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
