when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
