We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His nipple licking is glorious
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