"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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