What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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