3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
