We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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