I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
