peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
