If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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