piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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