that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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