guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
