If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
