So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
