I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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