just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
