my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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