Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
