if you like me you must not know who I am
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
