You just made me feel so damn special
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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