Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
