do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
