last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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