he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm having to shit out rocks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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