Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
