I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
