we have pet lesbian snakes
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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