i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
