That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
