Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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