When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
