Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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