FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
