I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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