Small penises have feelings too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
