It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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