I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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