i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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