he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
