We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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