he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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