walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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