Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
