i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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