you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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