I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
