STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
