i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
