This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
