My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
