May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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