what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
