Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
