Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
