five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
