I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
