He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
