and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
