There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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