Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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