I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
