Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
