shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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