Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
