A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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