Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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